Laugh with Me

Songster's Souffle



The Kidnapped Kitty Caper: A Tale of Terror and Treachery


First Prize: Scholer Bangs Memorial Contest:
California Federation of Chaparral Poets Annual Contest, 1991

The Kidnapped Kitty Caper

A Tale of Terror and Treachery

In a suburb of our city, safely shielded from distraction,
Lives a ginger-coated kitty who will rouse the world to action
With his intricate solutions to the problems people pose--
He's McWhispery McWhiskers Duff, the Pussycat Who Knows.

Though he works without complaining through the lonely midnight hours
He has had his share of perils; years ago the Foreign Powers
Said, "The secrets of the missiles and the State are not enough--
We will never have world mastery until we have Cat Duff."

It was worth their hundred million for the slanderous allegation
That, because it was his birthday, Duff might yield to dissipation
With a pound of chicken livers served en-casserole with truffle--
In the hour after dining he had scarcely strength to shuffle.

Then the hordes of traitors seized him, though he fought them without pity,
They left slain and wounded lying in a trail across the city
And they led Cat Duff in irons to a stolen SST--
Oh, perfidious! Oh, horrible, the deeds of treachery!

Constellations hid their faces in the terror of that night
And the moon postponed her rising to avoid the dreadful sight!
Oh, tremble for our hero! What cruel perils wait him now?
As the dawn came up like thunder he was brought to Chairman Mao.

"It's not easy," said the Chairman, "to be leader of my land;
Brutal burdens of my office are too great for me to stand;
I most desperately need your help to make the rice crop grow . . ."
But the patriot, McWhiskers Duff, politely answered, "No."

Oh, what blandishments they offered! What a life of sinful ease!
What roast ducklings! Sherried goldfish! Haremed rooms of Siamese
With their silken fur and tilted, deep, inscrutable blue eyes--
But our hero said, "America is where my comfort lies!'

Chairman Mao said, "Try the torture! Clip his whiskers! Pull his tail!
But Cat Duff repulsed them coldly: "Do your worst! Your worst shall fail!"
And he stood before them proudly, like a tiger brought to bay--
Oh, the cavalry was coming, but it still was miles away!

All the Siamese were watching as he stood in proud disdain:
"Such a Pussycat," they caterwauled, "will never live again!"
And they overwhelmed the Red Guard, stole a rocket from its bay,
Blasted off, and brought our hero back to safety, U.S.A!

Duff is working on a thesis that will give us the solution
To the oil spills and the ozone, traffic jams, and air pollution.
Kindly tiptoe; kindly whisper; don't intrude on his repose--
He's McWhispery McWhiskers Duff, the Pussycat Who Knows.

Elizabeth Anne Viau
First Prize, California Federation of Chaparral Poets Annual Contest 1989
Category: Narrative Poem


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© Elizabeth Anne Viau, 1996. This material may be used freely for instructional purposes but not sold for a price beyond the cost of reproduction.